Friends who read my blog got a little concerned with my recent posts; as I looked through them again myself, I couldn’t help but agree that I sounded like a whiner who is desperate for love. That set me on thinking mode, I started to think about relationships I had in the past.

I do not know how can I deliver this without sounding like I was bragging, but I did realize I was never short of dates and girlfriends in the last 20 years; I had my first “girlfriend” when I was 14. Even without counting in those puppy loves I had during my school years, I have dated more than a dozen of girls in my adulthood.

The longest I was without a girlfriend was 3 years, that was when I was 19 till I was 21. On my 21st birthday, I had 2 girlfriends to celebrate it with (one gave me a Casio G-Shock for birthday present, and the other gave me a pair of Doc Marts); and I was dating the 3rd one behind them.

The longest relationship was 3 years, with a Eurasian girl whom I almost wanted to get married to (the one who gave me the Doc Marts — whom had the worst broken heart by me.)

The shortest relationship was 1 month, with a Malaysian girl whom I almost spent a weekend getaway in Batam; but I decided it was a bad idea and called it off the day before the trip. But I still went ahead to the resort (since it’s been fully paid-for), and had the 10-course dinner all to myself, as well as two rounds of everything including jetski-ride and massage.

The most bitter relationship was a 2 1/2 year, with whom I put in so much of effort till I got so tired and burnt out.

But the three sweetest relationships I wished I could have, was with three ladies whom I was so prepared to love with all my might, whom have never picked me — one who has been falling in love with the wrong men since I knew her in 1999; one whom eventually got married but was already thinking of getting out of marriage within the first year of it; and one who has decided to love a woman instead.

Sometimes I questioned myself, if there was something wrong with me instead? If I had just gone with the flow, I would have been married and probably have a few kids now. This is always the part that hits me hardest, at times I prayed to God, wishing I could just “reset” my life and let me start all over again, and for sure, I would go for it. My biggest wish, and goal in my life now, is to raise a family, because without one, I can only feel like a failure, an incomplete man.